Berkshire Senior Online

Placing a loved one in a nursing home

As human longevity increases, so does the chance that someone you know will spend time in a nursing home. Looking back you may ask, "When did these people get old?" But that is not what really happens.

I knew my mother as a vibrant young woman who was a school teacher as I was growing up. She was an authority on poetry with a book to her credit, a 1935 college graduate, and according to stories from friends and families, a bit of a hell-raiser. She encouraged her children to be the best at whatever it was they wanted to be. She succeeded. But in September of 1988, my mother began showing signs of failing health ÿ osteoporosis, a broken hip and its recovery time, deteriorating eyesight, and the worst ÿ dementia.

For the next 10 years, every effort and resource was used to deal with her health issues and keep her in her home with as much independence as was possible for her. At first, day-care providers came to help with cooking and bathing. Appliances and living conditions were enhanced and a handicapped walk was installed on the house. These served useful purposes, but when care became necessary 24 hours a day, both the good ideas and the financial resources began to dry up over the next five years. And as time passed and her independence faded, it became clear that Mom would eventually need more care than we could provide. It was a sad and difficult time.

Decision Day

The choice to admit our mother to a nursing home was made by her three adult children. Our wish was to keep her at home indefinitely, but that was not an option. We felt sad and even somewhat guilty at the time, but looking back, we knew every effort had been taken to do what had to be done. It is unfortunate that the home care system, as it exists today, does not work financially for those who have an income and assets.

Mom entered the nursing home facility in May of 1998 after struggling for 10 years. We take comfort in knowing that options are available to her now that were not available to her at home. Physical therapy has been good for her, she receives care from kind and competent providers, and she has even gained some weight back while living in the facility. We have added as many comforts from home as possible such as a TV, her recliner, her own clothes, and a telephone. Daily visits and phone calls help to deal with the situation. Security is knowing your aging parent will be cared for with the love and respect they so much deserve ÿ a primary concern among adult children in our position. She is comfortable in her current situation, and at this point, that is all we can hope for.

Mom recently received an invitation to her college's 65th reunion. She will not be there.