Berkshire Senior Online

By Bea Cowlin, Caregiver Liaison

How many different emotions are there? Joy, happiness, relief, elation, anger, sadness, fear, frustration, guilt– all of us have felt these emotions at one time or another. As a caregiver, these feelings can take on a whole different meaning. You may be joyful that your loved one had a moment of understanding. Or, you may have experienced happiness that your family was able to share a special time with an ill loved one. A caregiver might feel relief if they are no longer providing caregiving duties. This feeling of relief may go hand in hand with the feeling of guilt. Someone else may feel guilty that he or she cannot do more. Many caregivers grieve for the losses that occur as their loved one declines. As a caregiver, your feelings are real, and you probably have more than are listed here.

Every caregiver has his or her own unique way of dealing with feelings. Some deny them, others are very open about them. For many, emotions can affect behavior and health. Even if you deny them, your emotions will show in your actions. Anger is an emotion experienced by many caregivers. You may be angry at the illness your loved one has. You may be angry that you are the caregiver. You may be angry that you do not have family support. You may be angry that you may not have handled a situation in the best way. For caregivers, with a high level of responsibility and frustration, anger may be a natural part of the situation. The point is to recognize your anger before it gets out of control, and channel it into something productive. Ask for help. Call on family, friends, a neighbor or a health care professional. If you can, go for a walk, find time for yourself. Most of all, recognize that anger is a normal response.

Although I have touched on how caregivers may feel, I am sure that my words do not convey the degree of emotions experienced by caregivers. Only you as a caregiver know how you feel. Only you know the joy of loving the person you are caring for, and only you truly know the anguish that is experienced when your loved one can no longer be with you. I encourage you to share your feelings with others, either with family, friends or in a support group. Know that you are not alone and there are many other caregivers experiencing the same feelings. This may not be what you planned for your life. But the reality is this is what you are doing, and it is a most difficult job.

Feelings are normal responses in all human beings. Many times caregiving issues raise the level of frustration by adding more responsibilities to those of normal everyday life. Many caregivers have families and full or part time jobs. When the responsibility of caring for an elderly loved one is added to the mix, there is not much time for a caregiver to care for themselves. I encourage all caregivers to recognize the giant job that you do, and to find time to care for yourself. When you care for yourself, you become more equipped to care for someone else.