Home for the holidays, a special time for important conversations
By Bea Cowlin, L.S.W.
Many adult children return home to celebrate the holidays with parents and grandparents. Spending time with aging parents is special and offers an opportunity for frank discussions about their well-being. Many baby boomers who are already preparing for retirement have parents, and sometimes grandparents, who are aging in place.
An easy way to begin these conversations could be, “I’ve been thinking about my own future and making plans for what I need to do to when I am older. Can we talk about what your plans are?”
You can explore different situations by asking “what if” questions. “What if you became ill, and needed assistance? What is the plan?” “What if you had a fall and needed to have rehabilitation in a facility?” “What are your wishes so that we can make sure we do what you want us to do?” When considering these conversations, try to be prepared, be as honest as you can, and try to not be argumentative. Be willing to hear what they have to say and remember that it is important to honor their autonomy. You can give them the best information available, but they have the right to make their own decisions. Some important conversation points are as follows:
Financial Information: What are the sources of income – Social Security and/or pension, savings including regular savings/checking accounts, IRAs, annuities or any other assets? Do they have a financial planner? Where is all of this information located?
Legal Information: Do they have a Power of Attorney and/or Health Care Proxy? Do they have an attorney? Do they have a will? Where are these legal documents located?
Health Information: Who are their doctors, including primary care and specialists? What are the health issues, including specific diagnoses? What are their medications, and where is an updated list? Do they have Medicare, supplemental coverage (Medigap), and Medicare D? Are they eligible for Medicaid/MassHealth? Do they have long term care insurance? Where are their insurance cards located? Are there copies of all insurance cards in case they are lost?
Community Services: Is their home in good repair? If not, can you assist in making minor repairs, or if they agree, can you find someone who can assist them? Do they need in-home services? Will they agree to in-home services? Do they know who to call? Do they need information on what services are available such as Elder Services’ Meals on Wheels, emergency response systems, transportation, grocery shopping, personal care and homemaker services? Information on all of these services is available from Elder Services of Berkshire County’s Information and Referral Department at 499-0524 or 1-800-544-5242.
Elder Services’ Family Caregiver Support Program is available to all caregivers. Call the numbers listed above and ask to speak to a Caregiver Coordinator for support and information. Most important –remember to have happy holidays!
Bea Cowlin is one of two Elder Services Caregiver Coordinators.
